I’m Not Sober. 4 Years Later.

By Simon Poulin, CEO & Co-Founder Upside Drinks

Four years ago, I stopped drinking. January 17th, 2022.

I still have the Post it note I stuck in my closet to remember that date. 

What started as a Dry January turned into something I never planned. I wrote about it after one year. Then again after two. Each time, I was trying to understand what was happening to me and who I was becoming.

Today, I want to be clear.

I’m not sober.
And I’m okay with that.

The label helped. Until it didn’t.

At the beginning, sobriety gave me structure. It gave me something to hold onto when everything felt new and uncomfortable. It helped me say no when it mattered and stay consistent when motivation faded.

But over time, the label started to carry weight. Expectations. From others and from myself.

I was no longer just changing my relationship with alcohol. I was starting to protect an identity.

And the moment an identity needs protecting, it stops being honest.

The pressure nobody talks about

When you say publicly that you are sober, people watch. Sometimes with support. Sometimes with curiosity. Sometimes with judgment disguised as care.

“I got you Simon. I’m watching you.” 

Yes, it sounds mundane. Almost like a joke. No bad intentions. I laughed it off in the moment.

But it stayed with me.

Not in a dramatic way. More like a quiet itch. I would catch myself replaying it sometimes. In the car. In the shower. 

And I hated that feeling.

That sentence changed something for me. Not because I wanted to drink. But because I did not want to feel monitored in my own life.

That is when I realized something important. A healthy relationship with alcohol should not require validation or surveillance.

What actually changed

The real change had nothing to do with alcohol itself.

I no longer drink for the feeling. I do not drink to escape stress, numb emotions, or disconnect. That work did not come from removing alcohol alone. It came from asking myself hard questions.

Today, when I drink, it is intentional. It is not planned. It does not come from habit or pressure.

It might happen once in a while. Sometimes once a month. Sometimes more. Sometimes not at all.

What matters to me is not how often it happens, but why.

And most of the time, it does not happen.

Mindful drinking is not a loophole

Mindful drinking is not about bending rules or justifying habits. It is about awareness.

There is no rulebook. No finish line. You have to listen to yourself and accept that the answer might change over time.

For me, mindful drinking means choosing clarity over numbness. Progress over perfection. 

My journey is not yours

One of the biggest lessons of the last four years is that there is no universal path.

Some people need full abstinence. Some need boundaries. Some need a pause. Some need support before anything else.

I have seen how small changes can lead to real shifts. One honest conversation. One non alcoholic drink. One decision made without pressure.

Where I stand today

People still ask me if I will ever drink again. My answer has not changed.

I do not know.

Right now, this lifestyle gives me more than it takes. I feel clearer. More present. More aligned. That is enough for me.

f you see me one day with a drink in hand, it will not mean I failed. It will mean I am still listening to myself. We could even cheer to that.

And that is what this journey has always been about.

SP.